Tears and Beers
Updated: Apr 11, 2019
This is a judgement free zone! I know some of you are going to judge me anyways, so feel free to judge but don't tell me. Thanks!
You know that moment when you question your parenting abilities? Today mine happened while I was sitting on my kitchen floor, drinking a beer and listening to my daughter scream from the top of her lungs, while the other was creating a complete disaster in the bathroom. I knew the mess I was going to have to clean up was going to be hell and I really should go sit with my baby who is supposed to be sleeping but I couldn't do it. I couldn't move from the floor. Well there was one movement, beer to mouth, but we will just ignore that. My almost 11 month old is a HORRIBLE sleeper. Last night I was up every hour! Every fucking hour! This isn't a new thing for her. I have slept through the night once in the last 11 months. She also hates going to sleep and it is a huge battle for most naps and bedtimes. (FYI:We have tried sleep training, we have sleep trained her several times. And yes we know how to sleep train, I have read several books, we paid a consultant to help us with our first child. Elsie is just a tough babe.) I had hit my wall of crying for the day and just froze. I gave myself 10 minutes, texted my BFF and asked on a scale from 1 - 10 how my parenting ranked at that very moment and then went back to the chaos that was occurring. Georgia and I cleaned up the mess and I sent her to her room to get ready for bed. Then I went into Elsie's room, bounced with her for a bit, sang a song, put her down, rubbed her back for a minute while she cried and then said good night. She eventually gave up and went to bed. After I got Georgia to sleep, I returned to my spot in the kitchen to finish my beer. Of course that's the moment my husband walks in the door, after the war zone has been cleaned up and only one is left as evidence that something terrible had happened here tonight. Luckily, he gives great hugs and told me to go hang out on my own for a bit while he finished up with supper clean up and day end stuff.
So what is the quote? What was the lesson learned that night? My quote came from my BFF who told me that moment did not define who I was as a parent and that wine would have been classier. So my lesson is, aside from wine being "classier" then beer, is that parenting is HARD! Taking a second to breath was probably the best decision I could have made at that moment and one night of complete chaos doesn't make me a bad mom. There will be many nights of chaos to come and I will handle each of them as best I can. That is all any of us can do with or without a beer.
You Got This!